Mar
29

Power In Forgiveness

By Michele 0 Comments

The act of forgiving is not prejudice to age, sex, social status, race or culture. Forgiveness is a common thread that weaves its way through every society and spans the globe every single day and in essence creates a common bond within the human spirit.

However, as common as the concept of forgiving is to people it is also one of the most complex and challenging things to actually do in the journey of life. If you think about it, it is probably safe to say that every person will at some point in life be faced with the difficult task of forgiving another or in forgiving themselves. Yet as common as forgiving is it is not always something that is easily done for most people.
Why is forgiving others and at times ourselves so hard and why does it often take so long to forgive when it could make such a positive difference in our daily lives? That is a good question and one that I believe most people struggle to answer.

What I do know is that by choosing to not forgive life can be filled with guilt, shame, blame, anger and regret. We can go through our daily lives with the feeling of a heavy heart and the constant challenge of not being able to let go and move forward in our lives. This can be extremely frustrating and can leave a person feeling stuck and exhausted.  The beauty in learning to forgive others and ultimately ourselves is that it can truly be an amazing path to freedom.  The ugly distractions of anger, resentment and guilt can disappear allowing us to feel at peace and with a renewed sense of clarity and vision to pursue our lifelong dreams.

In the end, forgiving is a gift. It is a gift for others and it is a gift to ourselves. Without forgiveness it would be impossible to maintain relationships and any hope of igniting positive change and a peace filled life would be lost.  Reach within today and really search for that inner voice inside of your heart.  Let the gift of love and kindness flow taking you to a place where you can let go and forgive.  It will make a huge difference in your life and in the lives of those around you!

In peace -

Michele

Mar
29

Embrace Today

By Michele 0 Comments

images1Look not to your past for it is gone; a memory of life to learn from but not live in….
Look not to your future for it is a sea of tomorrows that are not yet yours to take…
Embrace today with an open heart and hold it gently for it is truly the only thing that matters and the only real thing you have…
Believe in the power of you and listen – you will find your way in this important journey!

Mar
27

You Are Good Enough

By Michele 0 Comments

One would think that when we reach the middle of our lives we have learned enough and gained enough wisdom to shut down the destructive thoughts in our heads or at the very least have learned to control them.  While I have become much better at controlling my thoughts and trying to think positive ones most of the time; I must admit that there are certain triggers that come back to haunt me from time to time.  

I had an interesting experience tonight and it is one I am struggling with as I finish my day so I thought it might be helpful to write about it and ultimately I hope that it will speak to others that may be feeling some of the same things.  My boyfriend and I went out to grab a quick burger and to our surprise found that there was Karaoke at the restaurant and bar.  We both love to do Karaoke and have ventured out a couple of times to sing in recent weeks.  

I have sang Karaoke a handful of times over the years but had not done so for quite some time.  The first time we were out together and stopped in at a Karaoke bar brought a sense of anxiety out in me and I truly was not sure if I could get up in front of my boyfriend and sing.  I felt vulnerable and shy but nonetheless eventually got up and sang.  The experience was exhilarating in the end and it became a bit funny in that once I overcame my stage fright I wanted more of the stage and microphone.  

Tonight was a new venue and different crowd.  I felt a bit nervous and shy but we decided that we wanted to sing and felt it would be an accomplishment to push past any fears and just do it.  The other part of the evening involved a Karaoke contest which is taking place in Minnesota and through voting a certain number of people would qualify and move on to the next round.  Again, fear set in at the thought of competing and the risk of losing but I wanted to face my fears and decided to enter as did my boyfriend.

We each selected a song for the contest and along with four other people sang for the audience.  The challenge for me was not so much the actual singing but once all the votes were tallied, all six of us had to stand in the front and each person was announced as to the place and number of votes.  In the end, my biggest fear came true.  I was the last person standing and basically was number six out of six.  

Some people may say this should not have been a big deal.  Some will say it should have been for the fun of it and that voting is subjective and means nothing  This is true from a rational standpoint and I understand that.  It is not so much that I did not win; I did not expect to win and ultimately I was there to have fun.   The difficulty for me was that the experience brought me back to past life experiences and old wounds.   The “old tapes” in my head kicked in loud and clear.

I have been here before and I know that many of us have had to experience losing or coming in last.  It brought me back to being the kid that was chosen last for a sports team.  It brought me back to the time I was in a queen pageant for my dad’s horse club and there were only four girls in it.  I won a sash but was the fourth runner-up and my dad made sure i knew it.  It brought me back to sitting on the bench at a huge rivalry game in Volleyball.  It brought me back to junior high church camp and being the last girl selected for the boyfriend/ girlfriend options for the week.  The list could go on for many of us and while many of my examples were from childhood there are many things that can create that feeling of not being good enough at any age.   It could be the loss of a job that you wanted so bad.  It could be being dumped by your significant other for someone else.  It could be the rejection of a manuscript that you have put your heart and soul into.  For me, the message that I continued to hear  loud and clear regardless of the situation was that “I was not good enough”.  

For a moment, I was brought back in time to so many of these life experiences and it hurt all over again.  For a moment, I felt humiliated and so let down.  I felt like I wanted to disappear and run away from everything and everyone.   All my old insecurities crept in and I  heard that voice saying ” See! I told you! You are not good enough”.  The easy thing to do would have been to let it get the best of me and to leave but the voice within my heart was trying to talk to me if only I would listen.  The tapes were playing loud in my head and I could feel myself going down a path of believing those nasty, negative thoughts.  

I did not leave and I actually knew that I needed to be strong and have the courage to get back up there and sing one more song.  I needed to do it for me and I can tell you it was incredibly hard to get back up there but I am so glad that I did.  Again, some may be thinking that this was not a big deal and it was just Karaoke but for me it was far deeper than that.  It stirred something inside of me that brought out that vulnerable child that was picked on and made to feel like she was not good enough more than once.  It tested my confidence and my self-esteem was shaken.  

How many times have you felt like you were not good enough throughout your life?  How many times have our own negative thoughts led us to believe that we needed to be better and do better in our daily lives?  How many times have you come in last place only to feel defeated and like you could not compete or accomplish anything?  I would venture to guess that if most of us are honest there has been at least one experience that potentially left you feeling “not quite good enough”.  

As I found out tonight, this can be a challenge when you least expect it and these self-defeating feelings can surface at any time.  We live in a society that believes more is better and that is highly competitive at all levels.  We live in a society that promotes youth, beauty, success, money and perfection even if it is based on things that are false and unrealistic.  The pressure is always on to perform and to always be the best.  

Tonight was a valuable reminder to me that in the end, life is not a contest and that it is not about winning or losing.  Life is not so much about what others think of you but what you think of yourself.  I was reminded that my past and many of the past experiences in my life do not define me or who I am today.  In my heart  I know that if  I had the courage to try and feel that I did my best, then it was a win.  

We are not our thoughts or at least not our negative ones.  Those old tapes will always be right under the surface waiting to play over and over again in our minds but the beauty of it is that you can choose to shut those tapes off and not listen to them anymore.  We are all unique and have gifts to offer to the world and if you believe in yourself, you can accomplish anything.  You are good enough if you believe that you are and there is no amount of winning or losing that can take that away from you.  

To me, we are all winners in the journey of life because if you have the courage to live life every day and to keep trying no matter how difficult things might be, you have won.  Believe in yourself – YOU ARE GOOD ENOUGH!

In peace…..

Michele

Mar
4

The Power of Spirit

By Michele 2 Comments

 


Yesterday was a difficult day spent at the Mayo Clinic and St. Mary’s Hospital.  My step-mother had to endure yet another surgery to try and remove aggressive cancerous tumors that had once again invaded her worn out body.  The surgery was lengthy and the surgeons were disheartened to find several more tumors of the Liposarcoma.  The surgery was a success in that they were able to remove the five tumors without damaging any vital organs but the fear factor increased in regards to cancerous tumors that may have been missed.  

The options for treating this enemy had become quite limited and we were left with the harsh reality that at some point the cancer could win the battle that had been fought so hard for so many years.  I was overcome with emotion and an endless flow of memories yesterday and as i looked at her laying in pain I could not help but remember thirty years ago when she was first diagnosed.  I was sixteen and she was in her early thirties, full of life, beautiful and had two little girls of her own.  The diagnosis of cancer was devastating and the prognosis at that time was not good.  The doctor had told this young vibrant mother that she did not have long to live and that she should get her affairs in order.

My step-mother was heart broken and her natural reaction was one of fear and panic.  She had two little girls and who was going to take care of them and raise them?  As we sat in the hospital a few days later and I held her hand during her chemo treatments she asked me if I would consider custody of my two little sisters if and when something happened to her.  There was no hesitation or question even at sixteen; I would take them in a heartbeat.  This seemed to put her at peace and somehow the incredible strength that I have seen repeatedly in her appeared and she began the journey that would take her through the fight of her life.

The amazing thing about this story is that my step-mother beat the odds and she did win the battle numerous times and now, thirty years later, she has raised her two daughters and now has lived to welcome two grandchildren in to the world.  I share this story because she is a walking testament to the power of spirit and the human’s will to survive and live even during the most difficult of times.  I am inspired and amazed that this woman’s will to fight for so long and under so much physical pain and illness.  

She has survived cancer for thirty years but it has been a hard fought battle every step of the way.  The cancer (multiple types) has returned time and time again and my brave step-mother has had to endure so many surgeries to remove tumors that I have lost count.  Scars are everywhere due to the multiple surgeries and the multiple locations that the tumors were found.  Endless hours of radiation and chemo treatments were tolerated and the constant roller coaster of emotions ebbed and flowed daily.  

As I sat with her last night I felt a sense of sadness knowing that even the strongest of people eventually become tired and that even the best medical treatments out there cannot work forever.  I was faced with the daunting question of when is the fight over and how much more can my step-mother take?  She looked so tired and weak laying in that bed and yet so beautiful at the same time.  Even with the news of the aggressive nature of the cancer and the waning treatment options I saw that spirit in her eyes that I have seen so many times before.  She looked at us with hope, grasped our hands in love and tried to have a sense of humor.  Amazing!

Driving home I could not help but be so inspired by this woman and I am truly convinced that we all have a power that lies within our hearts and soul.  There is a power and a spirit that when combined with a positive attitude and a will to fight we can come through so much of what life throws at us even in the toughest of times.  Her illness and her fight also reminded me of how fragile life is and how fragile our health can be.  We are given one life to live, one body to enjoy and one mind to nourish.  Are we doing everything we can to protect and take care of ourselves, our bodies, our health and our minds?  

Time waits for no one and we do not know what the future holds.  Our health is a true gift and it is a gift that can be taken away when we least expect it.  I know that I am committed to taking better care of myself and I challenge all of you to do the same.  Embrace your life and your health!  Love yourself enough to live the best life you can live every single day and be thankful for every moment given to you.  Appreciate the gift of health and never take it for granted.

My step-mother lost the gift of health in the prime of her life and yet she never stopped fighting and she never gave up.  I know that she is tired and at some point she needs to know that it is okay to be at peace and to let go of the fight.  However,  when that day comes she can close her eyes knowing that she is a true inspiration of hope and strength to so many people and that she represents the very best in life.  I will love her always and for me, she is a true hero!

 

Be at peace and in good health!

 

Michele