The time arrived last weekend for my oldest daughter to leave for college and I must say it was a weekend filled with many feelings and emotions I did not expect.  I had heard parents talk about the mixed emotions that come with dropping a child off at college but I came to find that I did not fully understand or grasp the meaning until I experienced it myself.

I had always wanted my daughter to go to college and when she talked of going to a school that was several hours away I convinced myself that it would be good for her and a great learning experience.  I still believe that to be true but I can tell you that to actually leave her in a place that feels so far away was very difficult.

The weekend held an air of excitement and it was fun to see her dorm room and help her to organize the place that would become her new home for the next several months.  However, I found myself in tears more than once in the days leading up to her leaving Minnesota and felt a deep sense of loss and sadness throughout the weekend.  I tried to remember what I felt when I attended college so many years ago and searched my mind for details of how my own mom may have felt, but nothing seemed to resonate with the feelings I now had.

The illusion of time had officially played a trick on me and it became all too clear that time waits for no one!  Like many parents, I had been lulled in to a place of complacency believing that we had all the time in the world.  I had believed there would “always be tomorrow” and felt comforted by a false sense of security that my daughter would always be around.

Now as I stood in her dorm room facing the difficulty of saying goodbye, panic crept in knowing that I would be going home without her.  While I would always be her mom she would not be living with me anymore and I felt a deep sadness at knowing I would wake up in the morning and she would not be in her bed.   I felt a sense of regret and remorse wishing I had more time with her and wondering if I had done everything I could as a parent.  I questioned if I had been a good enough parent and my heart ached at the thought of leaving her.

When the time actually came to give her a hug and say goodbye, the tears came and I felt numb as I walked out of her room and down the hall.   As I drove away I could not help but feel that I was abandoning her and  my maternal instinct was to run back to her and hold her tight.  As the miles between us grew, the tears dried and I started to remind myself that we had made it through the first part of the journey as mother and daughter.  As Missouri fell behind me and Minnesota grew closer my heart filled with a calm and I knew that I needed to have faith that she would be okay and that the distance would create an even stronger bond between us.

In the end, letting go of our children is never easy.  There is nothing that can prepare you for the day that a child leaves home.  Children grow up and there is a sense of loss when it comes time for a child to take the leap from childhood to becoming an adult.  But beyond the tears there is a sense of accomplishment and pride coupled with a new and exciting road in the journey.  I miss her every day and wonder how she is doing and cannot wait to give her a hug but I know that last weekend was not “goodbye” but,  “I love you and I will see you soon”.   Like with anything in life, this is a time of change.  Change is never easy but I do believe it is necessary to grow and to live out our dreams.

Letting go of our children is hard but it is one of the greatest gifts we can give to them.  It is letting go that allows a child to go out and discover the amazing person they are meant to be!  So for all parents that are struggling with letting go,  remember you are not alone and in the end our children will be better for it…..

In Peace-

Michele