I broke my foot and knee a couple of weeks ago and as one would expect, there have been multiple doctor appointments, a surgery, bandages, pain management and rest. Friends and family have been amazing and I have had lots of visitors, phone calls and received cards, food and help. In the past few weeks, I have had a lot of time to reflect and one of the things I keep thinking about is the difference between a broken foot and a broken heart.

We live in a world that is quick to rush in and fix everything. Treat, cure and heal is top of mind when anything is broken or someone gets sick. And, thank GOD for that. I’m grateful for the help I continue to receive and with surgery, medicine, crutches and time, my injuries will eventually heal.

But what happens when the human heart breaks? What happens when human beings are forced to endure the wounds of loss and grief? Wounds that don’t completely heal.

Doctors can’t mend a broken heart. There are no surgical interventions. There is no cure and there are no pills to take away the pain. You can’t wrap a broken heart in bandages or put a cast around it hoping the shattered pieces grow back together again.

And, as hard as it is to understand, the support is different when it comes to a broken heart versus a broken bone. It just is.

Breaking a bone is different in the eyes of family and friends. It’s a concept that’s easy to wrap your head around. There are solutions and the love language of giving and helping somehow feels manageable and brings up a lot of things people can do.

On the flip side, knowing what to do and say when someone is grieving a heartbreaking loss is much harder and sadly, people stop checking in and showing up far too soon.

Grief is messy and unpredictable. It’s abstract and it’s hard for society to understand. There is no fixing grief. There is only listening, validating and supporting knowing it becomes a forever kind of thing with no destination or end. People struggle with that and sometimes the people we need most disappear.

I wish there was an easy answer. I wish we could bandage a broken heart, find a cure and heal everything back together again. But grief doesn’t work that way.

Grief becomes a part of who you are and after loss shatters life as you know it, the road of grief forces people to walk a journey that never completely ends.

Unfortunately, I know the pain of a broken heart and I know the pain of broken bones. They both hurt badly and I don’t wish either of them on anyone. However, I know my broken bones will eventually heal. I know I can get back to my old self and old life again. It’s not that simple when it comes to a broken heart. I will always carry the wounds of grief and some things will never completely heal. A broken heart and the grief that comes with it change who we are and life is never quite the same.

That’s how it works.

With that being said, to break anything is hard but I also want you to remember that it’s possible to heal parts of a broken heart even though the heart has changed and isn’t the same.

It’s possible to find ways to carry your grief and pain forward within the sacred container of your heart. To a place where you can find pieces of joy and life can be good again. Easy to do? No. Possible? Yes.

Be patient. Give yourself lots of grace and don’t be afraid to ask for help. Sometimes you need to lean on others and even when it’s hard to ask, reach out to those you trust. Take good care of yourself and practice self-love and self-compassion every chance you get.

Give yourself permission to feel all that you need to feel. Give yourself permission to grieve. Cry. Scream. Laugh without guilt. Talk to people who get it and know you don’t have to do this alone.

And for those who are trying to support someone who is grieving and nursing a broken heart, keep showing up. Send flowers or a card long after the funeral has come and gone. Check in. Sit with them even if there are no words to say. Grocery shop. Do a load of laundry. Walk the dogs. Take their kids to the park. Make food and drop it off. Invite them to lunch or stop over with coffee and donuts just because. Just be there and don’t always wait for people to ask. Sometimes grievers don’t know what they need.

Whether someone is grieving a broken bone or a broken heart, there are things that people can do to offer comfort and support. Keep showing up. We ALL need one another during the hard times and that’s where empathy shines. Especially when grief has shattered someone’s heart.

Your grief matters and I’m sorry you have a broken heart.

With Love,

Michele