There are no limitations to all that one can feel when grief crashes into the heart and leaves a trail of wreckage and despair. At times, grief and despair go hand in hand.

Where you find grief you will sometimes find despair in the early days, weeks and months following a significant loss. Despair is a powerful and intrusive feeling that sometimes sets up camp and steals a persons sense of self-control. It is a deep and profound sadness that can lead to a loss of hope.

And that is a scary place to be.

Despair is a terrible thing to feel and sadly, people who are grieving can feel trapped by the grip of it when trying to navigate life after loss. It’s messy and in the midst of despair and grief, it can leave one in anguish questioning if they will ever feel better again.

Grief and despair can strike at anytime and anywhere. In the shower. Driving to work. Making dinner. In the office. At a movie. The waves can show up without warning and knock you to your knees.

Those days are rough. It isn’t easy to stay above the surface when feeling like you are drowning in grief and despair.

I know it hurts and I know it’s hard. It makes sense that there are days when it feels difficult to keep swimming towards the shore of uncertainty when you are in despair and struggling to find hope.

But, it’s possible. To keep swimming even if it means treading water for a while.

Hope is, at times, a defeating word because loss leads to human beings wishing and hoping for something they can’t have. To go back to how things were before. To feel well again after a chronic diagnosis. To hug a loved one once more.

It is true that there are things we can’t hope for after loss but what if we could restore hope in other ways. What if we could hope to find small pieces of joy again? What if we could hope to feel better and learn to grow around the grief while learning to carry it forward? What if we could rediscover pieces of ourselves and rebuild a foundation worth fighting for. (even if it’s different)

I wish I could say it’s easy and I wish I could promise you days without pain and despair. But I can’t. It’s all part of it. And yes it sucks.

Regardless of where you are in your grief journey, it is important that you recognize the really tough, crack your heart wide open grief days. Be extra kind to yourself. Tend to your heart. Lean on your tribe and those who are willing to show up for you when you need it the most.

When grief explodes and it feels hard to do much of anything, listen to your body. Hydrate. Nourish. Breathe. Get outside. Cry. Scream. Allow your feelings. Sit with the pain instead of running away.

You won’t always feel this bad. At least not every moment of every day and eventually the tough stuff relents a bit and becomes more of an ebb and flow. It is possible to heal one small step at a time.

Your grief matters and it’s my hope you can find ways to soften the raw edges when you are fighting your way through those moments of despair. You are loved and you don’t have to do this alone.

With Compassion,

Michele