I went to the funeral of one of my best childhood friends this past weekend and my heart was overwhelmed with grief, regret and memories of Pat Benatar.

Perhaps you are scratching your head and wondering what on earth Pat Benatar has to do with a funeral, grief and regret? For me, the rockstar had everything to do with my grief and the loss of my dear friend.

I grew up in a small Wisconsin town and our neighborhood gang was tight. We lived in a time and place where no one locked there doors at night and we would spend hours playing jail tag long past dark. We played softball in the fields, rode our bikes to Sand Lake on hot summer days and drank water straight from the garden hose.

It was a time when life felt safer, simpler and less complicated to be a kid. We didn’t have cell phones or the distractions of social media and Netflix. But, we had each other and the bond we all shared was one you could count on day or night.

We did everything together and the memories will forever rest deep in my heart. When I heard Michael had passed away, my heart cracked open and waves of nostalgia and the memories of yesterday came pouring out.

I longed for the good old days and wished I could turn back the hands of time. Memories of Michael, the old neighborhood and all of the fun times shared flooded in and I felt so incredibly sad.

Driving to the funeral, I was filled with regret and I started thinking of all the things I “should” have done. I should have called him. I should have visited him when he was sick. I should have sent a card or flowers. Grief washed over me and I realized I was too late. He was gone.

Time had run out. There would be no goodbyes and it was too late to tell him how much I loved him and how much his friendship meant to me. There would be no reminiscing or telling stories from our childhood days. There would be no more going to concerts or hearing Pat Benatar sing “Hit Me With Your Best Shot.”

I drove through town and while things had changed there were still so many things that felt familiar and the same. I yearned to go back and relive our childhood all over again. To sit on my parent’s back steps with Michael staring at the stars and talking about our hopes and dreams.

Pulling into the church parking lot pulled me back to reality. A reality I wish didn’t have to exist. I walked in and was met with the familiarity of some of the old neighborhood gang. In grief, there is healing through connection and it felt so comforting to see everyone.

Tears fell but then I saw a picture that brought a smile to my face. There is was; a picture from 1981 of Michael, Darla and I all decked out in 1980’s attire, big hair and headbands heading to see Pat Benatar in the Twin Cities. We loved going to concerts in high school and seeing Pat with my dear childhood friends is something I will never forget.

Seeing that picture from so long ago made me both happy and sad. It reminded me of how fast time goes by and how important our friends are at every stage in life. The loss of Michael reminded me that there are no guarantees in life from one day to the next and to never take the people we care about for granted. No matter how much time has gone by.

Michael was one of my best friends growing up and yet life stepped in and the years flew by. I sent a Christmas card every year but it had been years since we had seen each other and now it was too late to connect, give him a big hug and tell him how much he meant to me.

Regret is one of the heaviest things to carry when grief sets in. It’s easy to “should have” all over ourselves but it doesn’t change a thing. It only adds more pain and guilt.

I deeply regret not reaching out to Michael when he was sick and I have to carry that for the rest of my life. I would do anything to turn back the clocks and pick up the phone.

I’m sharing this because we all have regrets. We all have things we wish we could do differently or change.

Don’t wait until it’s too late. Make the call. Tell someone you love them today. Forgive. Send a card. Go visit a friend or loved one you haven’t seen in a while. Be present in the moment and take nothing for granted.

Life is busy but make the time. We had talked about getting everyone together and then COVID hit.

Oh how I wish we had but now it’s too late and I will forever be sad about that.

Michael loved gardening, baking and dancing and I hope he is enjoying it all without the suffering and pain. He will always be loved and missed and I wish I could tell him that in person. I wish I could have said goodbye.

Don’t wait. Pick up the phone. Life is short and it can change in a moment’s time.

Sending so much love-

Michele