Actually, I’m Not Okay

How many times have you been asked how you’re doing and instead of telling the truth, you say you are fine when you’re anything but fine? Why is it so hard to be honest and reply, “actually, I’m not okay.”

Unfortunately, this seems to be easier said than done. Especially in the world of grief.

We live in a society that is uncomfortable with grief. It’s often the elephant in the room that everyone knows is there but it’s ignored anyways.

The subject of grief is taboo and no one wants to talk about it. Western culture prefers to focus on positivity instead of owning the fact that grief is something that every single human being on this planet will face.

The message to the grieving world is loud and clear. Suck it up, put a smile on your face and move on. Pretend like you’re okay when you’re not okay. This strategy doesn’t work and eventually, the grief people are hiding deep inside will come out sideways and demand to be heard.

Megan DeVine wrote an amazing book called It's Okay That You're Not Okay and her message is spot on when it comes to grievers trying to navigate the pain of grief in a world that doesn’t always support those who are grieving when they need it the most.

We need to do better. We, as a society, need to do a better job showing up and supporting one another when life turns upside down and the pain of loss rearranges everything.

Here’s the thing about loss and grief. Ignoring it and pushing it away only makes things worse. People need to feel all that they need to feel. Grief needs to be validated, witnessed and seen. Why is that such a bad thing?

To wake up every day feeling alone in your grief keeps people stuck in a place most people don’t want to be. It’s better to own your grief and to get to a place where you can be honest with how you’re feeling from one day to the next.

It’s time for the world to recognize that everyone has a story. Everyone is hurting from something and it’s time to stop feeling so afraid of telling the truth when you are grieving and in pain.

That is when healing can begin. As David Kessler would say, “you can’t heal what you don’t allow yourself to feel.”

I know how hard it is to own your grief and share your feelings with others. Somehow the responsibility falls on the griever and instead of telling the truth, those who are grieving find it’s easier to lie and hide behind a smile. It feels safer to pretend because no one wants to make others feel uncomfortable and no one wants to be judged.

This is such a sad disservice to the grieving. There’s already so much pressure and anxiety when it comes to grief and loss. Those who are grieving shouldn’t have to worry about what other’s think or live in a glass house filled with pretending and lies.

But it happens all the time.

I say enough. Grief isn’t something to hide. Grief is a natural part of life and it’s what we do when we have experienced a heartbreaking loss.

Your grief matters and when forced to carry the unimaginable, people should be able to feel safe when holding space for their grief regardless of who is standing close by.

Everyone will grieve and we are ALL in this together. Life is hard and it takes a village to get through the difficult times.

There are so many people who are grieving in this world. You are not alone and it’s time we stand together and find the courage to say, “actually, I’m not okay.”

Grief isn’t the enemy. A society that doesn’t understand or support grief is the culprit behind our inability to own our grief and truth.

Together, we can change that, one voice at a time. Even though you may not feel like it, you are a warrior and you are more than enough even when you’re not feeling okay.

With love and compassion-

Michele