Broken Hearts and Mother’s Day

Mother’s Day. To say those words this year comes packed with a punch to my gut and heart. And if I’m honest, I have been struggling with what to say and write. Mother’s Day feels different for me this year.

While it’s true that I’m a mom, I lost my mom a few months ago and Mother’s Day won’t ever be the same again. How could it be? The woman who gave me life and was there for me for 59 years, is gone. And wow does her absence hurt.

For many people, Mother’s Day means Sunday brunch, bouquets of flowers, Hallmark cards and family gatherings filled with love and hugs.

It’s a day that is all about celebrating the special women in your life. It’s a day that comes with gratitude and joy.

Until it’s not.

For some people it’s a day filled with broken hearts, a deep yearning and many tears.

And there are so many reasons why this one day of the year comes with harsh reminders of what no longer is, or what never happened at all.

Perhaps you hurt because you lost your mother and you’re dreading going to brunch knowing there will be one less chair at the table this year.

Or maybe you’re struggling because it’s difficult to observe other mothers celebrating the joy of motherhood with their kids as the burn of envy sets in. It hurts to see moms, babies and children when you’ve experienced a pregnancy loss or have been unable to get pregnant at all.

Perhaps you lost a child and the pain cuts so deep it’s impossible to describe the heartache and pain to anyone. The hole left in your broken heart can never be filled.

Maybe your heart hurts because of a strained relationship with your kids or your mom. Or perhaps you are struggling to forgive yourself because of mistakes made, guilt or regret.

Regardless of the reason, Mother’s Day can stir up so many different emotions and I understand if it’s a day you would rather skip over, or ignore.

But it’s pretty tough to completely ignore a day that gets so much attention for weeks. Commercials, card aisles, gifts at your favorite stores and of course, social media make it difficult to pretend it doesn’t exist and the anticipation of the day can bruise your broken heart just a little bit more.

I can’t take your pain away and I can’t fix your grief, but please know that I get it and there is a part of me, that wants to skip right over it this year too.

Give yourself permission to feel all that’s flowing through your heart. Let go of the guilt and if you’re hurting, allow yourself to hurt.

It’s okay to cry and the truth is, tears are good for the soul.

Stop pretending to be happy and fine if the day comes with sorrow and pain. That’s your right and you get to have a bad day and you get to grieve.

Remember, we grieve because we love. We hurt because something or someone mattered and your broken heart makes perfect sense.

You don’t owe an explanation or apology to the outside world. But you do owe it to yourself to honor your feelings and your grief.

You’re human and there’s a million little reasons why Mother’s Day can unfold with heartache and pain. And if you have moments of joy, that’s okay too. Finding a balance is possible and our hearts can eventually create space to hold it all. Sometimes, there are things to celebrate at the same time you’re hurt while missing something or someone.

It’s my hope your day will somehow be filled with love, compassion, kindness and grace. Be encouraged that grief will soften and while Mother’s Day may always be hard, the volume in and around that one day won’t always be so loud.

I’m going to miss picking out the perfect card and a beautiful orchid for my dear sweet mama this year. I’m going to miss her laugh, or sharing a meal at brunch with her. It won’t be the same.

Regardless of your reason for hurting on Mother’s Day, we are all in this together and you’re not alone.

Your grief matters and you are loved.

Always -

Michele