Grief is messy and after a devastating loss turns life inside out, it can feel like life is in a constant state of chaos for a very long time. Every day can be filled with uncertainty as you try to function and it’s so important to find balance inside of the chaos as you fight to move forward after loss - even though it’s a difficult thing to do.

It would be nice if the journey of grief came with an in-depth and well laid out guide. A guide that would direct you every step of the way and set a straight course to follow.

But that’s not how grief works. There are no rules, maps, or specific guides. Grief isn’t linear and it doesn’t follow a straight line. It’s unpredictable and every day can look and feel a little different than it did the day before.

It’s a maze of sorts and there will be days when you feel like you will never find your way out. It’s no wonder people feel disoriented, lost, and like their lives are scattered all over the place.

Grievers often tell me they feel stretched too thin and like they are being pulled in too many different directions all at once. They feel out of balance and struggle to feel in control. It’s common and especially in the first year or two.

I understand this all too well. A heartbreaking and life-changing loss can turn everything upside down. Nothing looks familiar and it can be challenging to manage daily life or tackle all that life throws at you.

Even when one is having a calm day and things have settled a bit, a powerful and unexpected wave of grief can hit and knock you right off your feet. Suddenly, finding balance inside of the chaos feels impossible and it’s easy to feel stuck and defeated yet again.

But here’s the thing. Finding balance inside of the chaos is important when it comes to grieving a significant loss. Grief IS so exhausting and everyone needs to have moments that provide respite from the heaviness of loss. No one should grieve 24/7 and even though it can feel all-consuming for a very long time, it’s important to find ways to take micro breaks. Even if it’s just for 15 minutes at a time.

One way to find more balance is to be intentional about taking breaks. Find distractions that will ground you and shift your focus from a life that is ALL about grief.. It can be as simple as getting outside for a walk, meeting a friend for lunch, getting your hair done, or taking a class. Perhaps it’s going to pilates, painting, or cleaning out a drawer. Whatever it is, find things that are a good and healthy distraction and do it as often as you can. You deserve a break.

Self-care is also critical when it comes to finding balance inside of the chaos. If you are feeling wiped out and failing to take good care of YOU - it makes it so much harder to tend to your grief in healthy ways. Stay hydrated, nourish your body, get outside for fresh air, move your body, and rest as often as you can. Know your limitations, set boundaries, and ask for help.

Sometimes finding more balance is about being vulnerable enough to ask for help. You are just one person and when grieving, there will be times when you just can’t do it all. There’s nothing wrong with needing help and we all need a little help sometimes.

It’s also important to give yourself permission to feel and to grieve. One of the things that some grievers fail to understand is that grief isn’t just about negative emotions. It’s true that grief comes with many negative emotions and even though it’s normal to have negative emotions, they can take over quickly and take up far too much space in our cluttered minds. But positive emotions are equally important and it’s helpful to find a balance between negative and positive once in a while.

Positive emotions are necessary when grieving and can provide respite from the heaviness that grievers so badly need. It’s easier to find balance inside of the chaos when you can find glimmers of joy, hope, happiness, and peace. And contrary to popular belief, you don’t need to feel guilty about finding joy or laughing again.

Life will feel messy and chaotic after loss but eventually the noise will quiet down a bit and it will become easier to find more balance in your life as you move forward while carrying grief.

I can’t tell you how your journey will unfold and what works for me may not work the same for you. However, you deserve to have days that are more balanced and even if you slip off the “balance beam” of life, there will be safety nets that catch you when you fall.

I’m here for you and I”m sending you love and hope. I hope you can feel more balance in the days and weeks ahead and remember - you don’t have to do this completely alone.

With Love -

michele