Traveling with Grief

I just returned from an expedition cruise to Antarctica and I must say it was an unforgettable experience in so many different ways. Everything about it was magical and I’m grateful I was able to travel to a continent I had never dreamed of visiting in my lifetime.

It was, in part, an escape from the daily grind of grief since my mom died in October. With that being said, grief still traveled with me every day.

It’s no surprise really. When you lose someone you love, grief becomes a part of who you are. It’s there in the morning when you wake up and it’s present every night when you close your eyes praying for sweet dreams and much needed rest.

Grief becomes a constant companion and whether you like it or not, grief travels with you wherever you go.

With that being said, grief isn’t always screaming loudly in your ear. There are moments when it hums softly in the background and doesn’t control your every thought and move.

This trip was a reminder of how resilient grief is. It traveled with me across the globe and while I had an amazing trip, grief never left my side.

There were moments when I was overcome with emotion and cried while feeling joy at the same time. Staring out over the spectacular glaciers brought me much needed peace but I also missed my mom terribly and wanted nothing more than to call and share this amazing adventure with her.

My mom loved when I traveled and she always looked forward to my phone calls and the pictures I would post every day. I reached for the phone several times and just wanted to tell her about the baby penguins, the spectacular ice formations and the whales swimming close by.

My heart hurt with the pain of knowing she can’t answer my calls ever again.

With that being said, I talked to her as I hiked up towards the beautiful blue skies. I know she was with me and the truth is, I searched for signs of her in everything I did.

Grief may be complicated but it’s also a loyal companion. In ways, it serves as a trusted guide and will hold your hand on both the good days and the bad.

Grief doesn’t have to be the enemy or a dark shadow hiding under the bed. For me, grief is a testament to just how much I love my mom. It travels with me because my mom’s life mattered and I will carry a hole in my heart for the rest of my life. And, that’s okay.

This trip also reminded me that the human heart is big enough to hold all of our emotions at the same time.

I was able to experience the beauty of Antarctica while grieving at the same time.

I felt deeply grateful while grieving at the same time.

I was in awe of this magical place while grieving at the same time.

I felt inspired while grieving at the same time.

I felt joy and peace while grieving at the same time.

I cried and laughed while grieving at the same time.

Grief isn’t a single emotion and it’s possible to enjoy moments in this new and different life even though grief has settled deep into the folds of my wounded heart.

I’m not saying it’s easy and I know I was fortunate to travel to the other side of the world. However, I share this because I want you to hang on to hope. I want you to know that regardless of where you are or where you go, it’s possible to find moments of joy in your life again.

Life is full of beautiful moments and sometimes the most ordinary of moments are the most extraordinary ones. And, you don’t have to travel thousands of miles to experience them.

Traveling to Antarctica didn’t take away my grief or my pain. It didn’t fill the huge hole in my heart nor did it replace the deep sadness I’m carrying in my soul.

But, I was able to step away from the heaviness of my sorrow once in a while. I was able to catch my breath and reflect on so many things.

Traveling to Antarctica didn’t take my sadness away. I cried in the shower, on mountaintops and while taking pictures of magical things that are difficult to describe. However, I know my mom was with me and I felt her presence in the wind, the rain and as I looked out in awe at the horizon that lay in front of me.

I’m sorry for all of the pain and grief you are carrying and I know how difficult the journey of grief is. But, it’s also my hope that you will find moments of peace and happiness alongside your grief.

Whether you want it to or not, grief will travel with you everywhere you go. Traveling with your grief won’t magically fix anything and it won’t take the pain of grief away. Nonetheless, and when you’re ready, it’s possible to live and co-exist with your grief and it’s possible to find joy again.

Don’t push your grief away. Let it in and give your grief permission to travel with you. We grieve because we love and personally, I will travel with both grief and love anytime. For me, it’s a reminder of just how much I love and miss my mom and no amount of miles traveled will ever take that away.

Sending you so much love and I’m here for you. Always.

Michele