Grief Is Lonely - Even In the Middle of a Crowded Room

Grief is incredibly lonely and it’s easy to feel invisible and alone even when you’re standing in the middle of a crowded room.

The journey of loss is long and one of the hardest things to carry is the burden of feeling isolated and alone.

Sometimes people feel like they no longer fit into the world after a devastating loss has turned their world upside down.

It’s as if you are suddenly an outcast standing in the corner with a scarlet letter branded on your forehead. Or perhaps you feel like a lone flower trying to grow and survive in the middle of a dry, rain deprived forest.

To feel singled out, unsupported, and sometimes judged by people who don’t get your grief, only adds to the loneliness and pain of loss.

There’s nothing easy about the journey of loss and grief. It’s damn hard and to lose someone you love will gut you in ways that are impossible for others to understand. Unless they too have known the pain of heartbreak and loss.

And the truth is, you can have lots of love and support, but most of the journey must be walked alone. There isn’t a soul around who can grieve for you. No one will ever completely understand your personal loss and the grief you carry, because they didn’t walk in your shoes. They didn’t have the same exact relationship with your loved one and in the most simplistic of terms, no one can be you.

This is your own sacred journey. Your grief is personal and unique to you. And in some ways, you are the lone flower in the forest or standing alone with a scarlet letter in the middle of a crowded room.

The hard work of grief needs to be done alone and honestly, most of what the outside world tries to do for you, will never be quite enough. People will return to their own lives and the world will keep moving when your world comes to a halt.

People won’t completely understand all that you’re going through and sadly, the grieving often hide their grief so no one else can see.

No one can fix your grief or take the pain away. No one can bring your loved one back or take the constant yearning away.

It’s hard to be the grieving one and especially if no one else gets it or knows what it feels like to suffer a great loss. And to feel misunderstood or judged only adds more isolation, fear, and shame.

But I want you to remember that you are not doing anything wrong. I want you to remember that grieving doesn’t make you different. It makes you human and the last thing you should ever have to feel is like you’re an outcast or no longer fit in.

There’s no space for judgement or shame when it comes to grief. Every single person you know or meet will come to know the pain of loss. Don’t let anyone make you feel different or that you’re doing something unnatural or wrong.

You don’t have to fit in anywhere right now. You don’t have to figure everything out today and you certainly don’t have to justify your grief to anyone.

Give yourself permission to grieve out loud. Be the voice your grief and loved ones deserve. Stand up for your grief in the middle of that crowded room and give yourself permission to sit with your pain.

As counterintuitive as it might feel, it’s because of the pain and acknowledging it, that you can transform and grow around your grief. Just like a lone wildflower in the middle of a desolate field after a much needed rain.

I know grief is lonely and yes it’s true that so much of your grief journey must be walked alone. But you don’t have to go through this completely alone. Pain and grief also require love, compassion, and support.

You’re worthy of love and support. You’re worthy of someone’s time and a listening ear. You’re worthy of understanding and help.

There are people who want to give you all of that. And some of the best support you will find is from people who personally know the pain of loss. Grievers are some of the most compassionate, kind people around and it’s my hope you have found a community that will lift you up instead of pull you down.

Sometimes it takes just one special person who will support you unconditionally, listen, and help you to feel less alone.

Grief is lonely and there will be times when you feel lonely even in the middle of a crowded room. But never forget how much your grief matters and regardless of how lonely you feel, you deserve compassion and love.

With love -

Michele