Imagining the Unimaginable in Grief

This image is circulating around in lieu of Russia’s recent invasion into the Ukraine. And, once again, I find that pictures are worth a thousand words.

This image haunts me and I find myself imagining the unimaginable as we often do in grief.

Grievers have shared that they hate when people say “I can’t imagine,” and while it is a sentiment shared with good intentions, it sometimes makes the grieving feel worse.

Please know that I have said this myself and we are all trying to do the best we can in the messy world of grief. With that being said, there are things we can all do to become more aware of how to support one another when life feels so hard.

It makes sense that people would automatically say “I can’t imagine” when talking to someone who is struggling with a significant loss. Especially when it is a loss they have not yet experienced.

But here’s the thing. I think we can imagine.

Loss and grief often serve as harsh reminders of just how vulnerable we all are. When someone we know and love is grieving an unimaginable loss, it shakes the foundation of our own stability.

In the face of loss, we as human beings are reminded of our own immortality and how quickly life can change. There are no guarantees.

So, we can imagine. When another human being is grieving a loss, we are forced to recognize that life can be cruel and loss is prejudice to no one.

Do we want to imagine the pain and grief of losing someone we love? No.

Do we want to imagine a life changing diagnosis? No.

Do we want to imagine trying to protect our children in a country ravaged by war? No.

But, if we are honest, we can imagine and it is a scary, vulnerable place to be.

Imagining the unimaginable in grief is tough but it can also help each and every one of us to be more compassionate and empathetic to what someone else is going through. Allowing ourselves to imagine can lead to honest communication, better support and showing up.

Imagining the unimaginable can change the way we think about and talk about grief.

Perhaps we need to imagine more so we judge less. Perhaps we need to imagine more so we as a society can find ways to embrace grief instead of ignore it.

My heart is heavy today as I watch the news and all that continues to go on in the world. My heart aches for the men, women and children who are afraid while trying to flee their homes or hide underground.

My heart hurts for anyone and everyone who is struggling with grief right now. For those who no longer have to imagine the unimaginable because the unimaginable has happened to them.

“I can’t imagine” is a normal and natural reaction to the life changing things that happen all the time. Every single day. But, perhaps instead of saying “I can’t imagine”, we can learn to better acknowledge the grief and pain of loss.

Validate and listen to someone’s grief when the unimaginable has happened. You may not completely understand what someone else is going through but I bet if you look deep within, you will be able to imagine how much it would hurt. If it happened to you.

We are all in this life together and human beings need connection to survive and heal. We need one another when grief shows up and brings pain with despair.

We need to be able to imagine the unimaginable in grief.

With Love and Compassion,

Michele