Grief Is Unpredictable From One Day to the Next

Grief is unpredictable. And, in some ways it is like reaching into a grab bag filled with emotions without knowing what to expect from one day to the next.

There is no map to help navigate what can be a rocky course of grief following a significant loss.

Grief has a mind of its own and it doesn’t come with instructions, guidelines or rules. There are no set timelines or expiration dates. It does not follow a linear path and there is no right or wrong.

Grief just is.

It is what feels right to you even when everything about it feels wrong. And I know that makes it complicated.

How can something so natural in the cycle of living and loving feel so messy, complicated, painful and hard?

I always fall back to love. Grief is messy, complicated, painful and hard because we love. We grieve because we love and unless human beings are going to avoid vulnerability and choose a life without loving anyone or anything, there will be grief. And a lot of it.

Here’s the thing. Life is complicated but it is also simple. We live, we love, we lose and therefore we will grieve. Every single person on this planet will experience grief.

And, the reality is, some losses will lead to grief for the rest of your life. Loss changes a person and the grief that shows up is hard to avoid.

It is important to remember that every loss is different and grief may land differently for each person depending on many variables and lots of layers. That is one of the reasons grief is messy and unpredictable. And - it is the reason we should never compare when it comes to grief.

Grief is personal and everyone has a right to grieve in whatever way feels right or makes sense to them.

It is YOUR grief experience and no one gets to tell you how to grieve. Every day may feel different and quite honestly, the emotions and feelings may shift from one moment to the next. That’s okay.

In truth, it is impossible to predict how grief will show up at any give time and it is important to allow yourself to feel whatever comes your way.

Society will tell you things that don’t feel right to you. You will feel pressured to move on long before you are ready and quite frankly, there are losses you will never move on from.

You will feel like you should be “over it” by now because others need or want you to be over it or to go back to who you were before. You may never be over it and that’s okay.

There will be times when you feel like you have to pretend to be okay when you are not or like you have to hide your feelings. Somehow, you will be led to believe that you are doing it all wrong.

Sometimes you will wear a smile to make it more comfortable for the world while holding back the tears and wanting to cry. And some days you will want to talk about your loved one but end up talking about the weather instead.

Grief is completely unpredictable from one day to the next and unfortunately, we live in a world that struggles to adapt to and roll with whatever feelings show up for you. That makes it so much heavier to carry and bear.

But, I’m here to remind you that as unpredictable and messy as grief can be, you are not messy and unpredictable. You are a human being who is grieving and trying to put one foot in front of the other while learning to live in a world that has changed and turned upside down.

You get to grieve in whatever way feels right to you. No apologies. No explanation. No justifications needed. Your grief matters and it is when you can move past other’s expectations and give yourself permission to grieve, that you can start to let small glimmers of light through the broken cracks and start to heal.

There is no right or wrong way to do grief. This is your sacred and personal grief space and while it is heavy and unpredictable, your grief and pain keep showing up because you are human and because of LOVE.

I’m sorry you are here but I’m also glad you are a part of this community. So much of grief is an experience that must be done alone but I hope you know and remember you are not completely alone.

Sending love with so much compassion,

Michele