Life Really IS Too Short

Nov 8

For anyone who knows the pain of losing a loved one and the deep grief that accompanies it, the concept of time takes on a new meaning. Heartbreak, loss, and grief quickly remind us that life really IS too short and sadly, most grievers find themselves yearning for more time.

This past week brought yet another brutal reminder at just how short our time on earth truly is. I was quickly reminded that life does not come with promises and there are no guarantees. Life is unpredictable and no one ever knows just how much time they truly have. The death of a loved one is a sobering reminder of the fragility of life and for the grieving, the yearning for one more moment in time plays over and over again in their broken hearts.

A very special woman died this week. It was sudden and like so many deaths, the news of her passing led to shock and disbelief. Chevette was truly a bright light in this world. She was kind, funny, warm, and had a sweet spirit that made life a little bit better when you were around her. I had the joy of working with Chevette for a couple of years and there was a connection the day I met her. She was my “snack buddy” and her smile and laughter were contagious. There are those that leave a footprint on ones heart immediately, and she was, without a doubt, one of those remarkable souls.

I had not seen Chevette for a couple of years. We talked on the phone and texted here and there, and she was one of those people I thought about often and missed. To hear this news was heartbreaking and it has been difficult to process what happened and that the world lost another good one far too soon. My heart has been heavy this week and I feel deep compassion for her husband, adored son, family, and many friends.

I share this with you because the loss of this beautiful human being was yet another reminder of just how short life is. We as human beings often become complacent and believe we will always have more time. Until time runs out. We become too comfortable and sadly, it’s easy to forget what is most important. It’s easy to get caught up in “how busy life is” and to take far too much for granted.

I have never heard a griever say they had more than enough time with someone they love. One of the hardest things to accept after a loved one dies is the brutal reality that there is no more time to spend with a loved one.

There will be no new photographs taken. No new memories to be made. There will be no more hugs shared or I love you’s said. And it’s heartbreaking to face the finality and permanence that comes with a devastating loss.

It hurts - deeply. And I’m not telling you anything you don’t already know.

I’m sorry you know this harsh reality and I wish it wasn’t so.

So where do we go from here? How do we take this painful knowledge and turn it into something we can hold onto. Something that can help us to move forward and find a sense of purpose and hope in the middle of what hurts our hearts so much.

There are no easy answers and as I have continued to try and make sense out of this loss, I myself have struggled with what to do with the sadness I am carrying in my heart this week. I have continued to see pictures of Chevette’s beautiful smile on social media and every time I see that smile, it has provided a soothing balm over the grief in my heart. To let her kind heart guide me forward.

I have read countless words from so many who are reeling from her untimely death and it has been so evident to me of just how much she was cared about and loved. And that my dear grieving friends is how we shoulder the pain of loss and continue on in this life after loss.

We can’t change or control so much of what happens in life. But we can honor those we love in the simplest and most beautiful of ways. We can carry the memories with us and honor their legacy by being the best human beings we can be. We can try to be the best parts of who they were and protect the love shared and let that love be a beacon of light even when things feel hopeless and dark.

We can continue to say their name. Share the pictures. Tell their story and give ourselves permission to grieve. We grieve for people because they mattered in this life and made a difference while here. We grieve for so many reasons and one of the biggest reasons is LOVE.

Every time someone I care about dies, my perspective changes just a little more. Loss forces me to look through a different lens and my views on life and what is most important changes every time grief shows up at my door.

Loss tends to change people and suddenly, there is less patience and tolerance for drama, idle chit chat, and any type of mean intentions or bullying. It becomes much more clear on what truly matters in life and shines a light on what is most important during our short time here.

I am a firm believer in kindness and showing compassion to one another regardless of what’s going on in life. And grievers are some of the most kind and compassionate people I know. Because grievers know this reality. They know that life really IS too short and it’s important to just be a good human being.

As I think about and reflect on Chevette’s life and her warm, loving presence, it only fuels my desire to be the best of who she was. To be a good human being and to lead with kindness and love. For me, her memory and legacy will live on in my heart and she will be greatly missed. I am once again embracing today and going to be the best person I can be knowing that tomorrow isn’t promised. To anyone.

I know losing someone you love is unimaginable and it changes life in the most unexpected of ways. I can’t possibly know exactly how you feel but I do know how how difficult the journey of grief really is. And I’m sorry you know the pain of loss and grief. But it’s also my hope that you too can find ways to honor your loved one and to carry their legacy forward. I hope you can grieve out loud and give yourself permission to feel all that you need to feel. I hope the love shared will sustain you and be a guiding light as you find ways to be the best of who they were and always will be as you carry them safely forward in your heart.

Time IS too short and I wish it didn’t take heartbreaking loss to remind us of that. Yesterday is gone, tomorrow isn’t promised, and it’s so important that we embrace this moment and be present today.

I care about each and every one of you and even though the grief you carry is personal, we are in this together and we need one another when life feels overwhelmingly sad and hard.

Chevette, rest well and fly high with the angels. You are forever cared about and loved.

With love -

michele

Michele Deville