The Day I Was Forced To Grow Up

There are so many things that happen in life from one day to the next. Things that bring people one step closer to adulthood. But there are also things that happen in life that force people to grow up. Long before they are ready and I will never forget the day I was forced to grow up.

It wasn’t the day I turned 18 or 21. It had nothing to do with numbers at all. It wasn’t the day my parents divorced, I got my drivers license or had my first child.

The day I was forced to grow up was a day that robbed me of my innocence and turned my life upside down. It was a day that changed everything and a day that changed the person I would become.

The day that I was forced to grow up was the day I experienced my first huge, rip the heart open kind of loss. It was the day my world shattered into a million little pieces and some of those pieces will never be found.

I was 17 years old and a senior in high school. Life hadn’t always been easy but for the most part, my life was good. It was the year we had all been waiting for. A year that was supposed to be filled with fun times, excitement and so many hopes and dreams.

And then it wasn’t. One of my best friends in the world was taken away from me. As I lay in a hospital bed recovering from an emergency appendectomy on a Friday night, one of the people I loved most was killed in a tragic car accident that would turn our small town upside down.

I heard the sirens go off that night. But I had no way of knowing that the sirens on that fateful night meant my dear sweet David was taking his last breath.

There are things that happen in life that forever change you. Things that you will never forget. Things that leave a hole so deep it can never be filled.

I wasn’t ready to know loss so deeply and intimately at the young age of 17. I wasn’t ready to be forced into adulting and I wasn’t ready to grow up. But then again, who is ever ready to know loss and grief?

This particular loss stripped me of all I thought I knew. My innocence was gone and I was left feeling vulnerable, raw and broken with nowhere to turn. My grief was debilitating and the weight of it all, knocked me down and pulled me into a very dark place.

Honestly, I didn’t know how to grieve and I didn’t believe I would survive it or find happiness again.

And so it goes with loss and grief.

A devastating loss changes everything. It changes people and it becomes a part of who you are. How could it not?

Grief can feel unbearable and it’s exhausting as you try to find your footing on a foundation that has crumbled and been pulled out from under you.

I get it. I know the deep aching pain grief brings. I know how hard it is to navigate the landmines of grief from one moment to the next. I understand how lonely it can feel and how badly everything hurts.

I know the yearning and the emptiness. I know how much you want your person back and there’s not a damn thing you can do about it.

Grief is one of the most painful experiences human beings will face and it will eventually find its way into everyone’s life. It’s impossible to avoid and it’s part of the human experience.

I learned far too young that grief is the price we pay for love. It was a price I was not ready to pay. I didn’t want to grow up that day. I wanted everything to go back to how it was. To feel the warmth of innocence and to be ignorant of death and grief.

But we don’t always have a choice when it comes to life and loss. Sometimes, we are forced to meet grief without warning and regardless of age, you are forever changed.

I write because I DO get it. I write because I don’t want anyone to feel entirely alone in their grief and pain. I write for YOU.

I can’t fix your grief and I can’t do your grief for you, but I’m here. I’m here to listen and to witness your grief. I’m here because I care about you and I don’t want anyone to feel unseen and unheard when grief shows up and changes your world.

In truth, I didn’t think I would ever find happiness again and for a very long time, I didn’t want to. But I’m here to tell you that while life will be different, life can be good again. Eventually, happiness and grief can exist in the same space.

If you are grieving, I’m so sorry and I’m sending love and compassion always. Your grief matters.

With Love,

Michele XOXO