The Unspoken Grief of Losing Your Health
I’m going to take a bit of a turn and write about another type of loss. A loss that millions of people are battling every day. A loss that often comes with unspoken grief. The loss of health.
Most of my writing tends to gravitate towards the loss of a loved one and while this is one of the most traumatic and painful losses anyone will face, there are so many other losses that lead to grief.
And losing one’s health or mobility is a big deal. The layers of grief that accompany losing your health are complicated and run deep.
This topic is near and dear to my heart because along with losing so many loved ones over the years, I’m battling multiple health issues. Issues that have changed me and ultimately my life.
We live in a world that’s uncomfortable with grief. And the consequences of living in a society that doesn’t want to address or acknowledge grief are undeniable. People don’t do well when it comes to the grief carried when someone dies but there’s little to no validation for those who grieve the loss of their own health.
Yet it’s something people struggle with every day. According to the CDC, 6 in 10 Americans suffer from at least one chronic disease and the statistics for chronic pain add another layer to the health crisis and the grief that accompanies it.
One of the biggest challenges is that so much of the grief people experience and feel when it comes to loss of health, is the silence. Grief is often unspoken and it’s rarely talked about.
But grieving the loss of one’s health is both valid and real. It needs to be talked about and for anyone grieving their health, you need to find a safe space to share.
I understand the daily grind of battling health issues. I understand the desire to just feel good again.
I understand the longing for your old life. A life without constant illness or pain.
I get the sadness, anger, fear and uncertainty. The loss of hope when you wake up each morning and struggle to find the energy to get out of bed.
Losing one’s health or mobility is so hard and yet if you’re anything like me, I rarely talk about it. I don’t want to burden my family and friends or come across as negative or complaining. So I hide it behind smiles and even when I’m exhausted, I try to keep moving while determined to keep up.
This doesn’t help and like any loss or the grief we carry, it needs to be felt and talked about. Of course you’re going to grieve the loss of your health. The loss of mobility. The loss of feeling good and struggling to fully enjoy life.
There are so many secondary losses that can show up with health issues or chronic pain:
Loss of safety and stability.
Loss of family and friends who abandon you when needed the most.
Loss of the ability to do some of the things you used to do.
Loss of energy and the motivation to accomplish dreams and goals.
Loss of income or the ability to work.
Loss of function and doing some of the most basic daily tasks.
Loss of quality of life.
Loss of well-being and sleep.
Loss of the ability to exercise.
Loss of self-worth and self-esteem.
Loss of freedom and mobility.
Loss of self.
The list could go on and sadly, so many of these things are not recognized, acknowledged or discussed.
Any significant loss is heartbreaking and life-changing. There’s no way to avoid it and it’s impossible to avoid the many changes that show up after losing your health.
Life will look and feel different and it’s so important to recognize that grief will become part of who you are. Don’t push your grief away. Grieving the loss of your health is valid and it makes you human. How could you not grieve?
Give yourself endless amounts of grace. Be patient and shower yourself with kindness and self-compassion. Practice good self-care.
Find those you can trust and lean on. People who get it and understand what you’re going through. People you can be honest with and talk to.
Give yourself permission to grieve. To feel. It’s okay to be frustrated, sad and angry. It’s okay to feel exhausted and have bad days. It’s okay to say no and put your health first.
I’m here for you and while our health issues may be different, I get it. I get the pain, the grief, the loneliness and feeling hopeless at times.
With that being said, I want you to hang on. To remember life can still be good even when loss and grief move into your heart. It’s possible to integrate loss into your life and even though it can feel hard, it’s possible to find pockets of joy.
If you’re struggling just to get through today, I’m sending you love. You’re not completely alone and there are so many others who are struggling just like you. We need to change the conversation and to talk about it with one another. I’m not going to sugarcoat anything or bombard you with positive toxicity. But I do hope you know your grief matters and you’re loved.
More to come on this topic and I’m here to listen.
With love-
Michele