You Should Be Here
You should be here. I’ve said those words so many times this past year.
And the holidays seem to stir up the yearning and the wishing so much more.
My mom loved Christmas and I grew up with grandparents and parents who created a magical holiday season for all of us. Baking Christmas cookies, decorating the tree, having hot chocolate and buttered toast, singing holiday carols and all of us kids putting on a play on Christmas Eve each year. And my Grandpa Pete loved doing practical jokes . I can still hear the laughter ringing in my ears.
Like so many families, the passing of loved ones and the passing of time slowly change the holidays over the years. Traditions change. You create new ones and try to honor as many of the old traditions as you can.
But one thing that doesn’t change is how much you miss your loved ones. Every year and regardless of how long it’s been, the holidays tug at my heart a little harder and at times, an inconsolable missing sets in. Hanging my moms picture on the tree brought tears this morning and like so many others, she should be here.
I’m guessing you’re feeling the same way. It’s hard knowing they are missing out on so many wonderful things in life. Oh how I wish my mom was here to see her precious great grandchildren as their eyes are open wide and take in the magic around them. Opening their gifts and decorating the tree. Filling the room with pure joy as only children can.
It’s hard to accept that you won’t be buying a gift for someone or setting the holiday table with one less plate this year. The empty chair they sat in or practical jokes that no longer exist loom loudly in the background mixed with the heaviness of grief.
The empty stocking that adorns the hearth, the loneliness of watching a Christmas movie alone, or the missing laughter in the kitchen as you struggle to figure out how to bake cookies on your own.
The missing of a child and the cruel knowing they won’t be opening gifts or dancing around the tree again. Even writing that brought tears and tugs at my heart so hard it hurts.
Everyone who touches our lives plays an important role. People leave footprints on our hearts and in the freshly fallen snow. Footprints that will never be forgotten and long after they are gone, reminders of their absence are sprinkled about everywhere.
My mom used to play the piano as we gathered around to sing our favorite holiday songs. I would give anything to hear her play one more time and to see the joy of my grandparents and family singing and laughing all the way.
The holidays can still be magical but the holidays are so hard. It can be an incredibly lonely and painful time of year for so many people. And it’s important to find a balance between trying to do it all and honoring your own well-being and your grief.
Yes - our loved ones should be here. But no amount of wishing or yearning can bring them back. So we forge ahead with a heavy heart and try to find ways to honor our grief and honor the special people we miss so much.
Place an ornament in their honor on the tree.
Wear their favorite holiday sweater (even if it’s an UGLY one) and imagine a warm, cozy hug.
Bake cookies like they used to do. Follow a special recipe and breathe in the sweet aroma of the past.
Light a candle and place their picture next to the soft and gentle glow.
Sleep with their favorite stuffed animal or wrap up in their blanket while watching a holiday movie on the couch.
Set a place at the table (yes you can do that) and feel their presence in your heart.
Sing their favorite holiday songs and let the notes of joy seep into your soul.
Say their name. Tell your favorite stories. Share your favorite memories.
Volunteer or donate to their favorite charity and honor their beautiful legacy.
Most of all, remember the love. Love will never die and it’s because of love that grief now sits at your holiday table. Love is forever and the love and memories will never leave you.
If you have someone special that should be here, my heart stands with yours. I get it and I wish I could give you the biggest hug right now.
Be gentle with your grieving heart and remember you are cared about loved. I’m sending you love and light as you continue to miss them and carry grief into the holidays this year.
With love -
michele