And Just Like That
Last Sunday was an ordinary day, and like most ordinary days, I expected life to hum along without any unwanted surprises or disruptions. But, life had other plans for our family that day, and without warning, my mom had a stroke.
She was perfectly fine that morning. My daughter, new granddaughter and I had the most wonderful visit with my mom and I remember how happy she was holding Alma on what was a beautiful October day.
Within minutes of saying our goodbyes, my mom would be in an ambulance and heading to the ER. Now, one week later, she is still in the hospital and we are unsure of what to expect from one day to the next.
Our mom is a fighter and of course, we are hoping she can recover and get back to enjoying her family and friends. But, we don’t know what tomorrow is going to bring and as we hang on to hope for better days ahead, it’s been a physically and emotionally, exhausting week.
It’s hard to see a loved one struggling and miserable. You want to to fix it and make everything better for them, but you can’t.
The only thing to do, is keep showing up and hold their hand. To kiss their forehead, say I love you often and try to reassure them that everything will be okay.
It’s a game of mental toughness and as you drag yourself into bed each night after another long and exhausting day, you struggle to fall asleep wondering if everything will actually be okay?
Loss happens every day and people are hurting everywhere. We often associate grief with death but there are so many other losses that turn life upside down and cause pain.
When someone you love dearly is sick and struggling to survive, it takes a toll on your heart as you watch them suffer every day. You feel helpless and even though you can sit by their bedside and hold their hand, grief has already started to trickle in.
Perhaps it’s in part, because there’s no way to know what tomorrow will bring. Perhaps it’s the knowing that even if your loved one survives, they won’t be exactly the same again. Or, perhaps it’s your hearts way of preparing for the possibility that you could lose your loved one at any moment on another ordinary day.
The anticipation of losing someone you love brings waves of grief too. The uncertainty of it all is exhausting and it’s hard to sleep worrying about your loved one alone in a hospital bed while the rest of the world keeps moving along.
The phone sits by our bedsides and we all pray it doesn’t ring in the middle of the night. I’m hoping to walk into her room tomorrow and perhaps she will greet me with a hello and encouraging smile.
But as I lay here hoping for restful sleep, the worry is gnawing at my heart and I’m grieving for the mom who was holding her great granddaughter just one week ago.
Like most struggles in life, this one delivered a punch to our family and life instantly changed. Tomorrow and the next few days, weeks and months offer no clear answers to our questions nor do we know what the future will bring. It’s been an incredibly tough week and it’s hard to see much light when everything continues to feel a bit dark.
Nonetheless, we will continue to hold onto hope and even the slightest improvement encourages us to keep looking forward and to never give up. It has brought us together as a family with one common goal in mind. We are bonded together with a shared love for a mother, grandmother, great grandmother, sister, aunt, cousin and friend.
This past week has also reminded us that life doesn’t come with guarantees. The most ordinary of moments can disrupt life as you know it and change everything.
Take nothing for granted and focus on what matters the most. Hug your loved ones a bit tighter today and say I love you as often as you can.
Loss and grief will show up uninvited whether you like it or not. Life may feel perfect in the middle of an ordinary October day. Until it’s not.
There were no warnings given or time to prepare. Our mom was fine one moment and then, just like that, she wasn’t okay.
Sadly, this happens all the time and the grief for what was, is real. The anticipation of what’s to come lays heavy on the heart and that’s part of the human condition we all must carry.
If you’re grieving the loss of a loved one or grieving because of a health crisis and the long road that lies ahead, I understand and my heart aches with yours.
We are all in this thing called life together and there will be times when getting up each day and trying to keep pushing forward with hope, is the best any one of us can do.
In solidarity and with love,
Michele