You Don’t Have To

The holiday season is upon us and it’s always a busy time of year. But when grief is lurking in the shadows, the holidays can feel overwhelming and it can be challenging to find joy or get into the holiday spirit. And to be honest, you don’t have to.

It’s easy to feel the pressure of doing it all or pleasing everyone else but when people are grieving, it’s difficult to meet the demands of the holidays and keep up. And to be honest, you don’t have to.

If you don’t feel up to writing out holiday cards - you don’t have to.

If you don’t feel like leaving your home and shopping - you don’t have to.

If you don’t feel like baking cookies this year - you don’t have to.

If you don’t feel like decorating the house or putting up a tree - you don’t have to.

If you don’t feel like wrapping gifts and adorning them with ribbon and bows - you don’t have to.

If you don’t feel like attending a holiday party or family gathering - you don’t have to.

If you don’t feel like singing carols, laughing, or toasting with cheer - you don’t have to.

With that being said, I know how much pressure bubbles up during the holiday season. And I understand if you’re feeling like you have no choice but to do some of the holiday things. And especially if you have kids.

But please remember - grief is exhausting and it’s okay to set boundaries and say no. It’s okay to dial back on what you normally do each year. It’s okay to be a bit selfish, rest when you need, and ask for help.

Grief will demand things of you that you never thought you could do. And there will be days when you don’t have one ounce of energy left yet the holidays try to pull you along and people often feel pressured to do whatever the holidays and others ask of them.

If you don’t feel like writing out cards this year, it’s okay and you can always do it next year. Or send out a Happy Holidays post on social media.

If you don’t have the energy to go out and shop at the mall, cut down on gifts and order online this year.

If you don’t feel like baking, find a yummy bakery and buy cookies this year.

If you don’t feel like decorating your home or putting up a tree, cut back and perhaps you can buy a small tabletop tree and hang a few ornaments this year.

If you don’t feel like wrapping each and every gift, you can use gift bags this year.

If you don’t feel up to going to the holiday party or family gathering, it’s okay to decline with appreciation for the invite and you can always go next year. Or you can try to go and if it’s too much, you can leave early.

If you don’t feel like singing, laughing or toasting with joy, wrap up in a cozy blanket and watch a sappy hallmark movie this year.

This is your journey and you get to grieve and slip into the holidays in whatever way feels most comfortable and manageable to you.

I’m sorry if your heart hurts this year and please know I’m thinking about you. My heart stands with yours and I myself am trying to remember that I don’t have to do everything this year.

Part of taking care of yourself and honoring your grief is remembering YOU DON’T HAVE TO.

Sending love always -

michele